Anxious Poets Society
Afterword

it's deep into the thick wide night
and i'm wistful and weary and worn
i'm trying to rest the eye of my mind but
it's beaten, it's bruised and it's torn
it's deep into the cold grizzly night
and i'm trying to conjure a yawn
but mostly i'm hoping
(i'm praying? i'm hoping.)
to make it to cresting dawn
i'm deep in the night
this unforgiving night
and i hold but a word as a sword
against my own mind,
against sickening time,
against weakness my life can't
afford
i plead mercy of night
this gargantuan night
as i slither and slip down it's maw
and i firmly believe
(i'm hoping? believing.)
that this is the last breath i'll draw
it's off to hear
in this pit, this dark lane
(but these fingertips frame the
words all the same)
that here in this nest, this dark
night, this black home
the player will win his best game;
the night will try but will never
succeed for itself it cannot maim;
and here
the wistful, weary and worn
may indeed lie lame
but rested they may get up and
in doing so are changed...
it's odd
out of place
to hear these words at the this time
but i'll frame them all the same -
the phoenix is only as strong as the feather
and the feather is as strong as the flame.
Micke van Zyl is a poet from South Africa. They used to submit a lot of poetry to competitions in high school. Micke is a recovering heroin user who is now ten months sober.
This is the first thing they wrote after almost four years of feeling very dead inside, two of which years were spent self medicating with drugs. They wrote this poem at about a month sober while experiencing suicidal thoughts. Micke did not see a light at the end of the tunnel. Poetry helped them see the light, eventually, and brought them where they are today.