Heartswings by Marc Krell

My heart ticks endlessly

To an irregular beat

Like a grandfather clock

With countless pendulums.

The momentum sways

To an unsteady rhythm

As the pendulums swing

Each with their own flow.

All together they are deafening

As each tock fills the space

That otherwise would exist an empty sound.

So if you listen closely

You can see the moment

Where the momentum needs to reverse.

It was inevitable

The turning of the tide

But you are the moon

And if you don’t pay attention

You’ll let it swing much too far.

My hands are sore

My knuckles bloody

Ignoring the pain has a limit

When you’re punching a brick wall.

But damn that wall is inconvenient

I wish it wasn’t there.

I don’t know who erected it

But I know it’s getting in the way of us.

I wish you could help

Just removing one brick would be enough for me to lay eyes on you

And maybe that would give me the strength I need

But you can’t even do that.

Maybe there are three more walls I don’t know about

And maybe you just think I’m the big bad wolf.

No wonder it’s so damn sturdy.

But my hands are my tools

And if I give them up for you

Then I won’t be any good to anyone.

‘You’re so nourishing’

Those words brought down with them a beam of pride

They were true for some time

Until it seems they weren’t.

The truth is

I was nourishing you from the source.

My source.

The energy meant for me.

I was nourishing

Right up to the moment when I had needs of my own.

And then it became clear

How unsustainable it would be

To have two un-nourished people.

And how scared she is—

The little girl who lives inside of you.

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After moving to a new community and finding an open mic to meet people, Marc was soon inspired to release his insights and frustration through writing poetry. These are some of the first words that came out.